How to approach your wife about an open marriage
When approaching your wife about an open marriage, there are a number of factors to be considered. It is best to stick to a set of rules and guidelines, which is outlined as follows:
Show Her That You Love Her
The first thing that your wife may hear in her mind when you say you want an open marriage is that, “You Don’t Really Love Her.” And to be totally fair, she has a right to question or be upset with your proposal for an open marriage. That’s why it is so important to understand how to mitigate those feelings.
The best way to do this is to show her how much you love her. In the days, weeks, even months leading up to when you decide to propose the idea to her, love her like you’ve never loved her before. Go out on fun dates, buy her thoughtful (not necessarily expensive) gifts, do things she’s always wanted to do, and most importantly blow her mind in the bedroom.
If you do this correctly her love for you will be greatly invigorated, as yours will be for her. This is so that when she questions you about an open marriage, she’ll know that it isn’t because you don’t love her, but for another reason. The next step is coming up with, and then explaining that reason. One of the best ways to do that is to:
Make Your Libido The Issue
“I love you, babe, but our sex drives are clearly mismatched most of the time.” This is how you should frame your proposal. It’s nothing against her; an open marriage is just a way for you to fulfill your needs. This reason is more logical than “just because.” One important factor to make this reason believable is that you must demonstrate your increased libido. If you’re only making love to your wife a few times a month, then how can you justify an open marriage with you libido?
Again, you must always be showing your wife how much you love her, and the best way to do that is with awesome, frequent sex.
Exploring Fantasies
Just as the libido puts the onus on you and not her, so does the idea of exploring fantasies. If both of you had limited sexual experiences before marriage, then it will only seem natural that you will want to explore sexually with other partners.
Remember, because this is an open marriage that means the wife will also be engaging, or at least has the opportunity, to engage in relations with other men. Some men can’t handle this, but if you can, you can use it to help encourage your wife to accept the terms of this open marriage.
Monogamy Is Not Natural
Humans were not designed to get married or to only have one partner for the remainder of their lives. As can be seen with sky high divorce rates, people often go looking for someone else.
If you emphasize the fact that sleeping with other women is simply in your DNA, it can help to further your point. Again, it’s you, not her!
Use a Good Example
Despite the growing trend of open marriages, they are still taboo in general and don’t have a great reputation. Because of this your wife is likely to have preconceived notions about the idea of an open marriage, which definitely won’t help you further your argument,
In order to combat this you should be able to show her a great example of an open marriage, whether it’s a friend, coworker, or neighbor. Tell her how this couple loves their open marriage, and how it made their love even stronger.
People never want to be the only one’s doing something. They like to see that others are doing it first before the take the plunge. Keep that in mind when proposing an open marriage.
Emphasize Trust
The backbone of any good relationship is trust. Without it people won’t be able to deeply fall in love with each other as they’ll always be questioning the other person’s behavior and motives.
Oftentimes trust is broken in a marriage because someone has an affair. This is the definition of breaking trust. However, when it comes to an open marriage trust still plays a valuable role. There is no going behind the person’s back in an open marriage, because there are firmly established ground rules that come into play.
Wrap-Up
Unless your wife has had the same idea regarding an open marriage, it’s likely that she won’t react positively to your proposal. This is perfectly normal, and it doesn’t affect your ability to cultivate an open marriage, however you will need to be cognizant of how you proceed.
In order to mitigate any detrimental effects to your marriage, you must carefully follow all the aforementioned steps. If you do so with love and care, then an open marriage may be in your future.
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